His View of Things
by animalwriter
Summary: She was striking and attractive, but ridiculously idealistic. How will Severus Snape's opinions of Dinah Samson evolve as he pursues a relationship with her? Drabbles of Severus's POV from "The Serpents' Kiss". SS/OC.
1. First Encounter

A/N: This story will be a series of drabbles detailing Severus Snape's point of view of various scenes from my story "The Serpents' Kiss". The main story is told solely from the point of view of my OC, new professor of Muggle Studies Dinah Samson, but I realized that I would like to explore how Severus sees some of the things that happen as they pursue their relationship. This will be updated more infrequently than "The Serpents' Kiss", whenever I come up with a good Severus POV scene to write. These are going to be a little more description-heavy than in "The Serpents' Kiss" I think. I'll try to keep them in chronological order, but I can't guarantee they will stay that way as I add more. This chapter details Severus's views of when he first met Dinah in chapter 1 of "The Serpents' Kiss." I also believe it answers my reviewer CeresMaria's long-ago question of what happened with the Dumbledore and Severus portraits in the headmaster's office after they were revived. :)

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**FIRST ENCOUNTER**

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The clock on the wall said two fifty-five. Two hours and five minutes left until the Hogwarts doors burst open and all number of young, awkward, uneducated witch and wizard children would flood the Great Hall.

Just like in years previously, Professor Snape thought with an irritated smirk as he put down his first lesson plan for the year. There was little satisfaction in it this time. He remained the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, but there seemed no point now that there were no remaining dark entities to threaten society. Potions research seemed more attractive. Actually, what seemed attractive was having died like he was supposed to and not being here at all. Locating a purpose in all that he was doing this year seemed an impossibility. Even striking fear into the hearts of the students – especially the infernal Gryffindors – didn't seem particularly satisfying anymore.

At least his dark mood would ensure that no one misbehaved. That was one small consolation.

And now he was required to report to the Great Hall for an introduction to one of the two new professors that would be joining the establishment this year.

He already knew Lucy Ketteridge, the professor of the new Wizarding Literature elective course. The girl had been a freshly-trained Auror and somewhat reluctant member of the new Order of the Phoenix in its early years. He had no particular desire to see or work with that young woman. She had managed to fall into a rather intense romantic relationship with the infernal dog Sirius Black. The two had made their feelings for each other no secret from the moment they had met. The dog seemed to take a sick pleasure in dangling his romantic prowess in front of everyone he came into contact with, and had always done so. James Potter had been the same, dangling his romantic prowess with Lily of all people in front of Severus until he could not stand it anymore. He did not want to be reminded of that.

The other new professor was teaching Muggle Studies, and was the one who was to be introduced at three o'clock. Dumbledore had said very little about the new professor except that she was a woman and was apparently highly qualified. Snape had a sudden vision of another Professor Charity Burbage, advocating equality between purebloods and Muggle-borns and writing letters to the _Daily _Prophet encouraging her views. Views that had ultimately led to her destruction at the hands of the Dark Lord.

The purpose of a class such as Muggle Studies had always eluded him. Frankly, studying those destructive, horrible people was a waste of Hogwarts' time and money. And the professors were inevitably either incompetent, idealistic, or both. Quirrell had been a shining example of both in his early years, shifting to pure incompetence when he had taken the DADA role and been possessed by the Dark Lord. Burbage had been competent enough, Snape admitted, but her idealism had overshadowed it, making her rather sickening. Although, he supposed, still not deserving of her horrible fate.

He stood, scowling, and left the dungeons to greet the headmaster and other faculty. The only good thing about this year was that Albus Dumbledore had been revived through that old magic as well. It was a tiny consolation that at least his murder had been – in effect – reversed. Killing the old man had been something he had never wanted to do, but he had done it as expected. His mission had been a complete success and Dumbledore had expressed nothing but infinite gratitude at that.

Unfortunately, so had Potter.

It was unnerving to see his old enemy staring at him with all of that admiration in his eyes. Being around Potter now was a chore unlike it had ever been before, and Snape was grateful that the boy had left to pursue Auror training and stopped coming to Hogwarts regularly as he had been doing through much of the summer. The most uncomfortable moment had been when Potter insisted on having his portrait inserted in the headmaster's office. At the very least, Severus would have preferred that the boy waited until he was _actually _dead before doing so, but upon his declaration that he had no intention of taking on the role again Potter had decided it was reasonable to add the image now. Consequently, there were two portraits in that room of people who were still alive. Because of that, the portraits were no longer enchanted with the power of speech and sat there like Muggle images.

Severus hated seeing his face up there. Looking at himself was not something he had ever liked to do much. He preferred his intelligence and strength over his looks, and those were the qualities in himself that he liked to focus on.

"Ah, Severus," Minerva McGonagall greeted him rather uneasily at the doors to the Great Hall as the other faculty gathered around them. "The headmaster met with the new professor a few moments ago. You are the last faculty member to arrive, so I believe we can go in and be introduced now."

"Fine," he replied in monotone, not looking forward to this. He followed the group of his colleagues as Minerva opened the doors, revealing Dumbledore standing on the stage, having been setting things up for the students' arrival, and one other person in brown robes, her back facing them.

"Ah, good!" Dumbledore said with a smile, turning around to face them all, "I'd like to introduce you all to our new professor of Muggle Studies: Miss Dinah Samson."

The woman turned and stood, a nervous smile on her face as her eyes wandered amongst them.

Snape was surprised. He had suspected an older woman, for some reason, than the one he was looking at now. Professor Samson was striking in a way that he couldn't quite place. She couldn't have been too much older than he was, and was likely younger. She was reasonably tall, and her long, dark blonde hair was pulled back, leaving two loose strands in front, framing her oval-to-heart shaped face and large, grey eyes.

He was not usually a victim of such thoughts, but the woman was attractive. He watched her as she was introduced to the other professors by Dumbledore, smiling as she greeted them. Severus wondered if she was as idealistic as most Muggle Studies professors. Knowing Dumbledore, she probably was.

"And of course," Dumbledore was saying, now gesturing in Severus's direction, "Professor Severus Snape of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Severus frowned, still considering his new colleague, and strode up to her, glancing up and down at her as he got closer. "So, you're the professor of _Muggle Studies_, are you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am," she replied, meeting his gaze with a firm, strong expression.

Pride. She had noticed his tone of voice and her response was to defend her position. His test had proven positive. She was as idealistic as the rest of them. And yet, there was probably good in that, or the headmaster would not prize it so highly. Still, Snape could not see the value of idealism.

"I see…" he murmured with a slight smirk. He couldn't watch her proud face any longer, and so turned and walked away as the headmaster continued to introduce her to the remaining faculty.


	2. The Pensieve

A/N: Some more early thoughts of Severus's about Dinah! :) – I envision it occurring after their first two debates. Just FYI, as I can't recall whether it's made clear in the books or not, I have decided along with my friend and author of the co-story 'Don't Leave Me', CommanderValeria, that when a witch or wizard removes a memory from their head and puts it in the pensieve, they still keep the memory (in other words it's not like they forget about it except when they watch it in the pensieve), but by extracting it magically and putting it in the pensieve it allows them to (obviously) see it in a better way if they want to and it also prevents Legilimensfrom accessing the memory (like in book 5).

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**THE PENSIEVE**

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Severus regarded the swirling memories in the pensieve in front of him. The object had been purchased after the rebirth, mostly to deal with the plethora of infernal memories he had given to Potter when he had assumed he was dying. Granted, if he had not given them he would not have been reborn, making the whole thing an irritating paradox. He simply had to deal with the fact that Potter now knew _everything _about himself and his past, and deal with all of the horrible consequences of that knowledge.

That now the entire _world _knew about his past. Had he survived the battle normally, he would have ensured that it knew no more than that his true allegiances had lied with Dumbledore, and perhaps he could have lived in peace. At least the headmaster had prevented that awful Rita Skeeter from hastily publishing a book on the information Potter had spread. That was one small consolation. And of course, at least the headmaster had been reborn. He didn't like to dwell on it, but there was some relief in the fact that his horrible action had not been permanent. At least there was one friend around to spend hours discussing the baffling reason _why _either of them had been reborn in the first place.

And then there were the memories to contend with. They would have to be either returned to his head or put in vials, labeled, and organized for future perusal. The latter was a more welcoming prospect. He had discovered that there was some relief in watching the scenes. Watching _her_.

Of course it wasn't all relief. He found that watching the scenes from later in their relationship, especially, were difficult. Watching his rash behaviors, watching himself drive Lily further and further away from him, was the hardest thing of all to see. He had observed a few of those scenes right after the rebirth, when transporting the many memories from Dumbledore's pensieve to his own, getting them out of the headmaster's office where he couldn't keep tabs on them. But those scenes... he couldn't really watch them. Couldn't watch his awkward, disgusting teenage self associate with Avery and Mulciber and perform horrible acts just because they accepted him and made him think he had some kind of power. Worst of all, he couldn't watch Lily look more and more away from him, leaning towards Potter even when she supposedly hated the git.

And of course, watching his teenage self do and say all the wrong things to her, missing opportunity after opportunity to make her his, made it abundantly clear to his adult senses that he had absolutely nothing to offer a woman in that horrible form. Why would she have chosen that awkward, undesirable boy when she could have the ultimate Quidditch hero James Potter? How he had not understood how worthless he was in that respect baffled him – his strengths lay in his intelligence, his power, and his abilities, and as an adult he had _finally _learned to cultivate only those things, leaving him mostly satisfied with himself. Yes, the desire for power had ultimately driven her away from him, but it was because he had gone about it wrong – had had no confidence in his own strengths and had played up to the other boys, trying to make himself impressive in all the wrong ways, through association and fame and becoming a Death Eater. If he had been more like he was now, perhaps it could have been different.

More enjoyable was watching the earlier scenes, before he had fallen to his foolish power-seeking attempts, when they were children together up through their third year or so. Those days in the park before they even went to Hogwarts were even better. There was no Potter and no Black, simply himself and her. If it had stayed like that, again maybe things would have been different. Yet there was sadness in viewing those scenes too, but it was the only way to see her – really _see _her – now after her death.

The other memories were useful too, of course. Memories of his classes and of inventing spells – the things he did well as a teenager. And memories from the war and his time as a Death Eater, though regrettable, were still good to have for reference. There were other, even _less _desirable memories that he was organizing, and he did not watch those. Memories of his youth, memories of that man and of his mother. No, he did not watch those, but he organized them nonetheless. Chronicling his entire collection of memories seemed like an ambitious and time-consuming task, and indeed it was the one thing he could focus on, when he wasn't grading or making lesson plans, that distracted him from the irritating circumstances surrounding his inexplicable rebirth.

He had put many memories directly in vials and put certain ones in the bowl to observe them before tucking them away into the vials. The pensieve currently swirled with its usual random collection of memories. Most of the ones from Potter still sat in there, because he didn't feel like dealing with them yet, reminding himself of the things the boy had seen. He had extracted and labeled a few of them, but many still remained.

He would get to them in good time.

Severus frowned down at the bowl as his thoughts shifted, drifting to this year. So far classes had been terribly generic, the dunderheads as infernal, insolent, and incorrigible as they normally were. He took pleasure in removing points from Gryffindor and handing out detentions for the smallest infractions. Discipline – students today had absolutely _none _of the proper discipline. They were all wild like Potter and his gang, with no regard for the rules and no respect for the faculty, all of whom were older and more capable than them.

The past seven years had been particularly irritating – students had positively taken over Hogwarts. It was still difficult to endure, the fact that so much of the war against the Dark Lord had been fought by _children_. Adults should have done all he work, but prophecies and Dumbledore's whims had made it so it was all about Potter. Even as a _first _year the boy had been the one to solve the problems in the school and had been given every opportunity to do so. Maybe necessary but still irritating, and he still felt annoyance at the headmaster for the whole thing. It was almost laughable, almost sounded _fictional_, that children would 'save the day' as they had.

And yet this year there would be no conflict and no missions to undertake, no opportunity to take over what rightfully belonged to adults. It was an ordinary school year filled with ordinary things. Hardly things worthy of being recorded in a pensieve.

For some inexplicable reason Severus's mind shifted again, landing on a woman he had just met – the idealistic new professor of Muggle Studies, Dinah Samson.

He had never encountered a Muggle Studies professor of her type before. Though he still didn't see why the class was necessary, Dumbledore had certainly picked the right person for the job. She was more idealistic than Quirrell or Burbage had been, a trait that Severus found particularly sickening, and yet she also made better arguments than they had. Almost _too _good were her arguments, he admitted to himself, scowling. He had spoken with her twice, once in her rooms surrounded by foolish Muggle contraptions and once in her classroom after watching her administer her ideas to the students. Both discussions had led to debate, and both had ended at a standstill.

Severus Snape was determined to show Dinah Samson the flaws in her logic, as soon as he could find those flaws. They were there, he just hadn't searched well enough, and in future debates he intended to find them and lay them out, show her the illogicality of her idealism. It would not be difficult, once he found the right topic.

She was... intriguing, though. He had never imagined a Muggle Studies professor that actually _lived _as a Muggle, but Professor Samson did. She bewitched Muggle electronics and used them right in Hogwarts. It was criminal, in his mind, to do such a thing, but he did not think he would be able to stop it. She could be quite defiant about those things.

Why did that amuse him? Why was he – of all things – half _smiling _at the thought? He growled and forced the undesirable expression to leave his face. There was still much more to discover about Professor Samson. She seemed to be the same age as him, and yet he did not recall seeing her at Hogwarts when he was a student, though she insisted she had attended. She had been a 'special case', apparently, but he had not had an opportunity to ask her what that meant. Surely she hadn't been presumptuous enough to attend Hogwarts from a distance using bewitched Muggle phones or some such thing! No, that was too farfetched.

He would simply ask her for clarification at the next opportunity. Yes, that was reasonable, and at any rate she had already expressed an interest in continuing their debates. It was, in a way, refreshing to have someone at or near his own intelligence level to converse with, and the debates were quite mentally stimulating. Yes, Dinah Samson was yet another useful distraction from his rebirth predicament, and he was going to take advantage of all such distractions to the best of his ability.

_And besides,_ he thought as he touched his wand to his head, recalling the moment he had been introduced to the woman and pulling out the memory, _aside from her idealistic tendencies, there is nothing inherently _bothersome _about talking with the woman._

Yes, she did not annoy him as the other new professor Lucy Ketteridge did, nor did she annoy him as McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout did via house rivalries, or as Slughorn did by simply being... Slughorn. To say nothing of professors such as Trelawney, the annoyance of which no words could possibly describe. How irritating that he often found himself in the divination professor's presence, their paths always crossing in the most unusual ways. Perhaps that was simply a trait of hers, showing up everywhere that she wasn't wanted, though he was certain it happened to him more than it happened to the other professors.

The remaining faculty members were incompetent at worst and uninteresting at best.

Dinah Samson was, surprisingly, the least irritating colleague he'd met yet, save of course the headmaster.

He considered the pensieve again and then placed his wand on his head and removed, in turn, the memories of their two debates, dropping them one by one into the stone bowl.

Yes, his new colleague _was _intriguing. And perhaps these memories would have some use in the future.

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A/N: Okay, I admit the Trelawney bit is a pun on the actors that play them in the movies – they are in a LOT of films together!


	3. Dumbledore's Suggestion

A/N: The second half of this installment complements part of Chapter 12 from "The Serpents' Kiss" :)

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**DUMBLEDORE'S SUGGESTION**

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"Check," Severus said as his chess piece moved on the board, obeying his thought-out order.

"Check_mate_," the headmaster smiled, using his own wordless magic to move one of his pieces into the ideal position.

Severus sighed, rubbing his forehead; "How did I not see that move?"

The headmaster's blue eyes only twinkled.

Throughout Severus's entire life, this man was perhaps the only person capable of beating him at wizards' chess and frankly he found it irritating.

"I believe that places my win count at still a trace higher than yours," the headmaster smiled, whisking the chess set away with a wave of what Severus now knew to be the Elder wand. "Now, to finish our discussion, I believe we have completed our rebirth investigations in their entirety. No other person killed in the great battle appears to have been revived."

"The revival pool is quite small," Severus murmured agreement, nodding. Although it seemed that, for the most part, only people very closely tied in to the battle with the Dark Lord had been revived. They had been unable to make anything of that in their investigations.

"Small, yes, but most of the reasons obvious," Dumbledore frowned; "Fred Weasley was reborn because each brother cannot function properly without the other." At Severus's grunt of response the headmaster continued. "The Lupins are obvious. They have a child to raise."

Another grunt. Severus could muster no more enthusiasm for these individuals that had been granted rebirth. They had always been privileged individuals, getting everything they had ever wanted, including of course the worst of the bunch.

"Sirius Black needed to come back for poor Lucy. I am afraid his longtime death is still weighing heavily on her," Dumbledore's gaze was full of concern and regret for the woman. Severus tried to ignore those feelings, although admittedly her reaction to Black's initial death had been highly... disturbing. In all his years as a Death Eater he had never seen someone so... empty before. Still, he could not understand how anyone could be attached to that man to the point of reacting in such a manner. As usual, there were many things about this world that made little sense to his detached, calculating mind. And he didn't mind it that way.

"The few other students that were reborn were generally only-children with small or sick families, or were engaged to be married upon graduation. Again, all with strong attachments in this world."

"It does seem to be all about attachments," Severus sighed his agreement. "But what attachments do you and I have?"

"You have been talking with Professor Samson, I hear."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Severus's response left his mouth before he even had a chance to finish registering Dumbledore's words. Now that he thought about them, he wished he'd made his tone even more indignant. After all, what _did _it have to do with anything?

"Simply changing the subject," the headmaster's tone was casual.

"Very random, Dumbledore," Severus raised an eyebrow at his older friend, his suspicions fully aroused. When the headmaster played innocent he was usually up to something.

"I am simply curious about how you find her. Do you think I made the right choice for the job? I could ask you about Lucy but you already know Lucy and I am interested in your impressions of our new Muggle Studies professor. You know how I value your opinions, Severus."

"You value my opinions on things that I have authority on, such as potions and the dark arts," Severus reminded the old man; "Not on Muggle-related issues. You already know my position on that. I don't even feel the class is necessary, but I suppose if you really want my opinion, she seems knowledgeable and if we _must _teach the students Muggle Studies I suppose a half-Muggle is as good a choice as any."

"I shall take that as a 'you made the right choice, Headmaster'," Dumbledore smiled.

"Take it how you want," Severus muttered back, plucking a quill from the desk and turning it around in his fingers. Yes, he had continued to associate with Professor Samson from time to time as per his decision. He had been investigating Slughorn's apparent opinion that she and Lily had things in common with each other, but so far he was not getting that impression. It was possible that Slughorn had only compared them superficially; as the first two Gryffindor's that he'd had in the Slug Club. Or semi-Gryffindors at any rate. It seemed Professor Samson had been a member of two houses, and not only that but her magic had been discovered at sixteen.

He smirked. She had certainly told him off when he suggested investigating those odd circumstances further. But though she apparently had a fiery personality in some respects it was different from Lily's fire. And he didn't know why he was bothering to search for similarities in the first place. Even if they _were _similar, Professor Samson was not Lily.

Lily was dead. And he was still alive. And come to think of it, how had their discussion – which was supposed to be about the mysterious circumstances surrounding his and the headmaster's rebirth – suddenly changed to a discussion of Professor Samson?

"What are you thinking, Severus?"

Severus looked up at Dumbledore, scowling; "Thinking of the ridiculousness of this conversation."

"Ah, I see," the headmaster only smiled again; "Professor Samson tells me you have been debating with each other."

"We have been."

"Is she changing your views?"

He snorted; "Hardly. She makes some decent points but it is only a matter of time before I find the logic to overturn them."

"You find that a stimulating pursuit?"

Odd choice of words. "Yes, mentally..." he replied, keeping his tone cautious. "At least it is a useful distraction from... other thoughts," he admitted, though immediately wondered if he should not have even said that much, the way the headmaster's eyes lit up at his words. Suspicious. Very suspicious.

"Good, then I hope you will continue to debate with her."

"I plan on it."

"Excellent. Tell me Severus, do you find Professor Samson attractive?"

"Have you gone senile?" Severus demanded, sitting up straight in his chair and slapping the quill back onto the desk with a 'click'. Now it all became clear. He knew _exactly _where the Dumbledore thought he was going with this and he was going to put an immediate stop to that.

The headmaster just smiled as usual, so much twinkling in the blue eyes that it was quite nearly blinding. "She is not unattractive but you know where my affections lay, Dumbledore. You are not going to play matchmaker here. I honestly can't even imagine where you would come up with the idea. Professor Samson and I are acquaintances, nothing more."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the headmaster responded cheerfully, not sounding sorry at all and Severus made sure to glare at him double for that; "You must forgive my whims. Just little thoughts here and there, you know. I simply wondered if you found her attractive and you have answered that question. She is quite pretty, isn't she?"

"Headmaster Dumbledore, if you do not change the subject right this instant..." Severus felt his teeth baring at the man he considered to be – perhaps – his only friend. Friendship with this man could certainly be straining, however.

The headmaster chuckled; "I only ask that you continue to be receptive to her ideas and debate with her more often in the future, Severus. Nothing more."

"You had certainly better not be asking anything more," Severus retorted, and then sighed; "Professor Samson is intriguing in some ways, I'll admit. She... responds to me differently than most people do. She appears to find me amusing."

"And that pleases you?"

"It is simply strange," he bit back. "I have never encountered such reactions before. I suppose the attitude helps to facilitate our debates, since she does not respond with much hostility." Not _much_, anyway. He wasn't including that incident in which she'd attacked him and the few incidences in which she'd snapped at him for his views. Still, in comparison to the way people usually spoke to him her friendliness was almost... refreshing? He shook his head to clear the thought.

"Dinah is a rather understanding individual, I'm sure you'll find as you get to know her," Dumbledore said, and Severus didn't miss his sudden shift into using her first name; "I hope there are a number of interesting things she might tell you in the future," he appeared to be thinking of something specific.

"She already told me about her late magic discovery and her being sorted into two houses," Severus admitted.

"Well, that's positive. She had an awkward time here as a student... probably not too unlike your own experiences, Severus."

"That's enough, right there. I need to be getting to my class anyway," he kept his tone firm as he stood from his chair. He needed to get out of this interrogation chamber and he needed to get out now.

"Very well, then," Dumbledore smiled. "Same time next week to continue exploring the rebirth dilemma?"

"I suppose," he grumbled his reply. No, Severus was _not _pleased as he turned and marched out of the headmaster's office. It would serve the old man right if he just stopped talking to Professor Samson altogether.

The universe hated him, though. He had established that fact a long time ago and the evidence revealed itself yet again when he nearly ran into the person of concern the moment he exited onto the main floor hallway.

He frowned down at the woman, cursing Dumbledore inwardly because now his thoughts decided to focus on how attractive she was; "Professor Samson."

"Professor Snape," she replied with a hasty nod, her face flushed as though she had been hurrying somewhere. She seemed flighty, and she was holding in her hands what appeared to be a piece of parchment.

"What do you have there?" he asked, trying to make out the words he saw sprawled across the front.

"Oh!" she gasped and then turned a grin up at him, stuffing the parchment behind her back in one swift movement; "Nothing. You'll see it on Monday."

He sighed. Attractive she may be but his new colleague was certainly unusual. Light-hearted only began to describe it. It was as though everything was a game to her, including her relationship to him, whatever that was. As he had told the headmaster, the fact that she found him more amusing than annoying was... strange. "Don't you think that's rather childish?" he nodded to indicate the parchment she was now hiding from him.

She opened her mouth, looking a bit defiant, but an obnoxiously loud giggling interrupted their conversation. He tilted his head slightly to see from where it was coming and was not surprised.

Students. Third years, clustered together and shooting them furtive glances as though they had a right to even _look _at their professors outside of class, let alone think whatever ridiculous thoughts they might be thinking. Not with those expressions, they didn't have that right.

"Can you believe it?" one student whispered to the other, "That's the second time I've seen the greasy git with the Muggle Studies professor. Did you see them outside at lunch yesterday?"

"Yeah," another giggled, "And they're always talking to each other at meals, too. It's weird."

Infernal students. They were like animals. No concept of what was and was not their own business. He pointed his wand at them, speaking in his head the incantation that sent their papers flying from their arms. That was enough for them to realize that they had been spotted and that their spying was not welcome. He felt immense enjoyment when they turned those startled, terrified faces on him, scrambling to pick up their papers and scurry away. This 'greasy git' was not someone that they wished to contend with outside of class, and he made sure the entire student body knew that every chance he got.

He turned back to Professor Samson, expecting her to continue with her planned retort, but instead he got something unexpected. She was staring at him and the expression in her eyes had changed. She looked quite pitiful, in fact, like something had been said to hurt her. And yet, those grey eyes were locked on him, and in an instant he realized that that was where her pity was directed. This was perhaps the first time she had heard the students use their popular nickname for him.

Severus was careful not to wince outwardly when he felt an odd sensation in his chest. A sort of full heaviness. Were her feelings contagious? Hardly. He was used to being called that by the students. They had been doing so for years. It meant nothing to him... did it?

His thoughts drifted back to Dumbledore's words about her being an understanding individual, and he recalled other times when she had behaved in such a manner towards him – specifically when she kept apologizing every time she slipped into yelling at him for his Death Eater past and apparent 'tendencies', remembering what he had done to help the wizarding world despite them. But he did not need understanding.

As she stared at him, her face's flush returned, just a little bit, and he had no idea what to make of that. "In case you were wondering," he finally spoke, causing her to jump, "I could care less what the students say about me."

"Oh," she frowned, the sadness in her eyes intensifying. Although she seemed to notice it this time and looked away, idly fingering her robes with one hand while the other kept the parchment firmly hidden from his view. He had only seen her in brown robes so far, and he found himself wondering distractedly what she might look like in another color. "I mean, yes I understand that," she continued in a murmur; "But isn't it rather disrespectful? I mean, after everything you've done last year... for them and for everyone..."

He snorted. There she went again with that tangent. It was, frankly, irritating. When she looked up he spoke again; "Oh, they have plenty of respect for me when they're in my classes. And I don't need recognition for what I did last year. Although the Potter boy seems oddly insistent that I get it. Perhaps if I had known that I would be reborn I wouldn't have shown him..." he trailed off as soon as he realized he was starting to reveal too much information. What _was _it about her that had made him start to do that? He shrugged. If he didn't finish his sentence she might ask more questions, so he chose something generic, landing back on the unfortunate conclusion he always came to when considering this particular 'Potter and memories' dilemma; "I suppose he couldn't have done what he needed to unless I told him, unfortunately."

She sighed, and at least the pitying look had left her eyes; "You know, you would make it easier for me to mind my own business if you didn't make cryptic comments like that."

"And you would make it easier for me to mind _my _own business if you didn't hide things behind your back like some kind of flighty first-year." An _ad hominem _retort was the best he had right now"

"Fair enough," she groaned, responding well enough to his accusation. Her lips started to twitch into a smile, and he had to forcefully shove away those words from Dumbledore earlier about her attractiveness; "It seems we always end up evenly matched no matter what we're talking about," she offered.

He frowned, not liking the idea, not liking the fact that she was smiling at him, and definitely not liking the thought that there was some sort of innate connection between them. Unfortunately, he at least had to admit that thus far their arguments and discussions _had_ ended up equally matched. "It would seem so. Now if you don't mind I have a class coming up and would like to go prepare."

She stepped aside at his words, and he felt a little twinge of satisfaction. At least she still had enough respect to move out of his way when he had business to attend to. Then again, he hadn't really needed to wait for her to move. He could have just walked around her and yet he had not. He had waited for her to move.

Keeping his face expressionless, he marched past her toward his dungeons, but was inwardly fuming. _Why _had he waited for her to move and not simply left on his own? Why did she have to care about what people thought about him and why did she have to smile at him? Why did their debates have to be so positively enjoyable that he wanted to continue them despite those annoyingly empathetic traits of hers? And most of all, _why _did still want to see her in different-colored robes?

That infernal headmaster was definitely in for an earful the next time he got him in his clutches.


	4. Names

A/N: Here we have Severus's view of a very pivotal scene from "The Serpents' Kiss" Chapter 17.

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**NAMES**

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Severus had just taken fifteen points from a pair of Gryffindor students for snogging out on the grounds, and was feeling quite satisfied about it. Just because it was dark and raining gave them no excuse to stay outside after hours and do who-knew-what in the bushes. It was almost as satisfying as at the Yule Ball years back, but there had been more students then. Granted, Igor had been annoying him at the time, so perhaps it all evened out.

Despite the gloomy rain outside as he walked along the outer edge of the castle with his umbrella open, it was nice to do something satisfying again. Granted, it did not stave off the rebirth problem or the fact that Dumbledore continued to insistently encourage him to 'be more open' to Professor Samson – the man was becoming incorrigible! – but it _was _something distracting and mildly pleasurable.

It was starting to seem, however, that most of the students had gone inside, which made sense since the rain was picking up.

Ah! Another sitting on the front steps in the distance. Not doing anything wrong, from what he could see, but out of their common room nonetheless. That would warrant at least five points removal. The closer he got, though, the stranger it seemed. Not only did it not seem to be a student, but the individual did not seem to have an umbrella either.

He was even more surprised when he got ever closer and realized that it was Professor Samson, sitting there staring off into the distance with a blank look on her face and allowing the rain to pound down on her bare head. Not only that, but her robes were soaked nearly through, indicating that she had been out for some time without an umbrella. She was also shivering.

His footsteps must have alerted her to his presence, because she briefly tilted her head in his direction, seemed to just barely register his approach in her field of vision, and then promptly turned away again, her empty gaze focusing out on the Forbidden Forest in the distance.

Frowning as he approached, more confused than anything by this situation, he stopped in front of her; "Professor Samson."

"Professor Snape," she gave a brief nod, but did not turn to look at him.

This was disturbing and frustrating. Why was she just _sitting _there and letting herself get pummeled by the rain? It was picking up, the weather was most certainly not warm, and she was going to catch her death of cold if her robes soaked through any further. Did she not realize how inconvenient it was for him to have to try and deal with her infernal behavior? She was a grown woman. Whatever was bothering her was no cause for her to sit out here like a mindless zombie. "Exactly what is it that you think you are doing?" he demanded, hoping to put a stop to this here and now.

She did nothing more than shrug. Her hair, in the ponytail it was often in, as soaked-through as her robes, clung limply to her bare neck, dripping with the rain that was still falling on her. It disturbed him more than he liked to admit. "You need to come inside."

"No."

"_No_?" He was starting to lose his patience with this.

"Just leave me alone. I'm fine here."

She wouldn't even look at him. She always looked at him. Was this really the same confident colleague that he had enjoyed debating with this year? He had never seen her like this before. Something was wrong, but it was none of his business to ask what. Yet, he had to do _something _to stop this. He snorted; "Hardly fine, Professor Samson. In case you were unaware, it is halfway through the month of September and this is Britain. You'll catch your death of cold if you stay out here much longer. Your robes are already soaked through."

"I don't care."

He sighed. Yes, it was obvious that she didn't care, and he knew it had been a long shot trying to explain that to her in a logical manner. Whatever was bothering her was clearly much too strong to be hindered by a little bit of rain… or a lot of rain. The expression on her face as she stared off into the distance brought back memories of when Professor Ketteridge had suffered a similar affliction after Black's death. She had shut down completely, and despite the fact that he quite nearly despised both members of the oversexed pair – well, mostly just Black - it was an affliction he did not like to see affecting any person, and most definitely not his new colleague here. Severus sensed that this was not quite as bad as Professor Ketteridge's case, but it bothered him more. Because he actually _liked _Professor Samson.

He frowned as he regarded her frozen – in more ways than one – form. Yes. Remarkably enough, he did like the new professor of his most hated subject. She was an acquaintance and nearly a friend. Someone to talk to, at least. Someone confident, proud, and intelligent. And yet, even someone like that could be afflicted by something like this. She apparently had deeper, more complex worries and problems than he could even imagine. They had to be bad to make her behave like this, because it just wasn't in her nature, not that he had seen thus far.

Severus didn't like this at all. She was going to freeze. He couldn't let her freeze. This had to stop. He knelt down and held his umbrella out over her head, wincing a little at the rain that was now pummeling on top of him instead of her. But he had plenty of time before he reached the point she was at, and he intended to have her inside before that happened.

She turned slightly. At least she was finally looking at him again. But it didn't last long. Her head drifted back to the grounds; "You don't have to do that, you know? I'm fine out here."

"Indeed," he agreed, imbuing his tone with his usual biting sarcasm, "I always think people are fine when they sit in the freezing cold rain staring ahead of them like a zombie while they shiver from hypothermia." The rain _was _freezing cold. He could tell that firsthand now. How she had been sitting out here in it for however long she had been was beyond him.

Again, his new colleague did nothing more than shrug.

This was infuriating. _Nothing _he was saying seemed to be getting through to her. What could possibly have happened to this normally strong, confident woman, to bring her to this state? He couldn't imagine, and he was not going to ask. They had already established personal information boundaries and he liked it that way. If he was going to make this woman a permanent acquaintance – possibly a friend – then this was the way to do it. Casual, intellectual, and impersonal. He did not need to know what was bothering her specifically; he only needed to make it go away. To make her come inside again and turn back into the person he knew she really was.

And yet she was not responding to any of his words. Casual and impersonal was one thing, but this blatant ignoring of him and of everything around her was not in her essential nature. He was not used to it. And he could no longer sit here and watch her looking like this. Wet and miserable and devoid of emotion. He could not let Professor Samson keep on this way.

No. Not 'Professor Samson'. "Dinah."

Her body flinched as he spoke her name and she turned an uncertain, vulnerable gaze to look at him "...Severus?" she asked, speaking his name for the first time.

Severus made absolutely certain that his normal frown remained plastered on his face; although why he felt he had to make an effort this time he wasn't sure. Hearing her say his name was... odd. But it wasn't disagreeable like it should have been. The fact that it didn't bother him... bothered him. And yet he had gotten through to her. Her expression was different now. More focused and aware. As much as he hated to admit it, he was glad that she was no longer trapped in her inexplicable misery.

"Come inside. _Now_." He extended his free hand to her. She looked so pathetic, drenched in rain, her face echoing a familiar loneliness. It was something he had felt on occasion. Perhaps Dumbledore had been partially right and there were things about each other that they could understand.

"I..." she stared up at him for a long while, seeming to consider accepting his offer. Despite his acceptance of the fact that he _did, _he still didn't know_ why_ he wanted to help so much, or why he wanted spend time with her at all lately. She was no Lily, that was certain. His investigations after her statement that she was similar to his lost love in Slughorn's eyes had turned out fruitless. Any similarities that Slughorn might have seen were circumstantial only. Dinah was nothing like Lily, not really, save for the general traits of kindness and acceptance of others, and plenty of people had those traits. And yet, he enjoyed her company.

"Okay..." she finally said, placing her hand into his.

He felt a strange twinge inside of him at her touch. Her hand was cold, like ice after sitting out in the freezing rain for an unknown length of time, and felt small in his, but her eyes were warm. She was staring at him with those warm eyes as he helped her into a standing position, looking at him with that same look of awe and admiration that Potter sometimes did, but it wasn't so bad coming from her. Though he couldn't imagine what she was thinking.

He realized that he had been holding her hand longer than necessary and let go, pushing aside the look of disappointment that crossed her face when he did so. It was too unnerving to consider what her deeper feelings at that might be.

Severus turned away from Dinah and walked into Hogwarts, expecting her to follow him, which she did. She stayed close as they walked through the halls, and he was abnormally aware of how near she was. Again, it bothered him that he had no aversion to it.

He stopped as they reached her rooms, deciding to wait until she was safely inside before leaving her again. Her arms wrapped around herself, and still shivering, she unlocked the room and stepped in. He didn't know why he took more steps, but he did, over the threshold and ending up in the room with her. Of all the things that bothered him tonight, the most was her shivering. He noticed a linen shelf near the door and grabbed a towel from it, shoving it into her arms. "For heaven's sake, dry yourself off. You're going to freeze."

She clutched the towel in her hands, staring up at him with that look in her eyes again. She smiled, and he forced back the second twinge that he felt in his chest. Why did he like it when she smiled? "Thank you," she said.

"Don't do that again!" he turned on his heel and marched off toward his own rooms, unable to watch her smile any longer. It was too unnerving, and yet he was glad she was safe. She would be able to dry off in her rooms now and go back to her normal, cheerful self, putting whatever had been going on behind her.

She was resilient like that, he sensed. More so than he was, when it came to life's stresses. Her coping mechanism was recovery, while his was ignorance and shutting off his emotions. She could not do that, but at least if she felt them she would be able to recover from them. Perhaps in that sense, she was better off than he was...

But there was nothing he could do. He could not change now, that was certain. But he had been able to help Dinah, at least, and that was somehow consoling. Seeing her drenched and miserable like that had bothered him more than he had ever expected it to, and he didn't want to think about that in too much detail. She was back in her rooms and out of the rain, and that was what mattered.

Hopefully, at least she would be warm now.


	5. Professor Ketteridge's Visit

A/N: This one corresponds to around the time of chapters 26/27 of "The Serpents' Kiss" where Severus is ignoring Dinah after he caught her looking in his pensieve. Lucy's view of this conversation can also be found in chapter 15 of CommanderValeria's story "Don't Leave Me".

Sooo… I'm trying to get these out faster, but it's proving somewhat challenging, mostly because these Severus POV scenes are pretty "thought-heavy". I sort of imagine Severus as a man of few words but many thoughts :) - especially at this point in the story.

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**PROFESSOR KETTERIDGE'S VISIT**

* * *

Severus was sitting on his Slytherin-green couch, reading a distracting potions book and not thinking about anything in particular, when there was a knock on his door.

He frowned. This was most definitely not office hours. Who in their right mind would be knocking on his door now? The Slytherin students knew when to come and when not to come, and the other students barely dared to come at all let alone this late at night. According to the clock, curfew was in five minutes anyway. Unless it was a member of the faculty. Could it be…?  
No. She wouldn't dare show her face. And he most certainly didn't want her to, he assured himself, before forcing his mind to other considerations as he stood and headed towards the open door leading into his office. The headmaster usually owled first, but it could possibly be some other faculty member such as Minerva, or that new potions assistant, Eugene, for some reason.

What he saw instead when he opened the door was almost as bad as the first faculty option he had tried not to think about. Professor Lucy Ketteridge stood there, staring timidly up at him. _What _was _she _doing here? He frowned down at her; "Yes?"

"Well…I…um," she stammered childishly, "I want to talk to you and…perhaps we could not do this in the hall to be over heard by students and any other passersby?"

He sighed. What could she possibly want from him? What did all of these women want from him these days? Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Let him have his solitude? This year was shaping up to be quite annoying in all respects. "That seems to be the pattern this year, doesn't it? Come in," he stepped back to allow access to his unwanted guest.

The youngest Hogwarts professor since he himself had started teaching eighteen years ago followed him in and sat on the opposite side of his desk as he settled into his chair, glaring at her and waiting for her to explain what she wanted from him.

Professor Ketteridge looked up at him and said, "Professor Snape, you can't keep glaring at me all the time if we're to work together. I realize you're not thrilled with who I'm dating, but I don't think that's any reason to look at me like that."

For a moment Severus just stared. _That _was the reason? She had the gall to invade his office in the evening to complain about the way he _looked _at her? He smirked, "I see. So that's how you've felt, have you? Well, I regret that my extreme hatred for your 'boyfriend' has caused such a stir in your life."

The girl across from him made an odd face, as though restraining herself from something, and he could only smirk more. If he didn't know any better he'd have thought she was actually going to yell at him. But he doubted she had the guts or the stomach for that. "Look," she said, her tone annoyed, "I don't particularly care if you have an 'extreme hatred' for Sirius or not. It's not him you have to work with. I have done nothing to you to warrant such an attitude from you. I have enough problems with my Slytherin students. It'd be nice if they didn't get the impression that their Head of House thinks the literature professor is emotional idiot with poor taste in men!"

He sighed, his fire gone. What did she take him for? Some gossiping, self-important Gryffindor? Truthfully, he hadn't even been aware that he was glaring at her any more than he glared at anyone. Though now that she spoke it he feared he did think about Black pretty much every time he saw her and when he thought of Black… well, the glares came naturally and were probably more potent than normal. "Professor Ketteridge, it has not been my intention to glare at you all the time and I have not said a word about you towards any of my students nor do I intend to. My personal thoughts have never been and will never be any of my students' concerns. I simply seem unable to look at you without my thoughts drifting to _him_. But if our professional relationship, whatever that may be, is being strained by my behavior, from this point forward I shall try to..." he paused. He hated to admit it, but she did have a point. H needed to try and get along with her at least minimally if he was to work with her. "Refrain," he finished, trying not to frown.

Lucy shook her head, her slightly apologetic look bringing him some satisfaction, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you'd said anything to your students. It's just kids can be rather intuitive when it comes to things like who likes who. I only know a little bit of what went on between you and Sirius, but I can understand to an extent why you dislike him. I'm not trying to rub him in your face and it's not like I go shouting his name from the rooftops. Anyway, I know things have been kind of rough lately with whatever happened between you and Dinah..."

And there it was, Severus thought, glaring at the intruder across from him as she brought up the uncomfortable subject he had somehow known would come up eventually. Professor Samson. The newcomer he had thought for a moment might become a friend before she turned around and committed the most outrageous and heinous act imaginable. After the incident in Potter's fifth year, he _never_ imagined that he would walk into his office a _second _time to find someone's nosy, invasive head poked into a pensieve viewing his most precious memories. He had never imagined it would happen the first time, frankly, but twice was simply unimaginable. The infernal object was _almost _more trouble than it was worth! Additionally, he was now one-hundred percent certain that the universe did indeed hate him.

How else could he explain the anomaly of this happening to him twice? And Professor Samson of all people! He had almost convinced himself that she was a decent human being, that she was worthy of his acquaintance and potentially of his friendship. And then she turned around and did _that_! A supposedly mature, intelligent woman with respect for others personal boundaries, but clearly that had not been the case.

Not only that, she seemed to have a romantic interest in him._ That _detail was still more baffling than anything. Women did not have romantic interests in him. It just did not happen.

And yet Professor Samson seemed to. There had been all sorts of little signs leading up to the horrific pensieve encounter, and then during the encounter itself she had literally thrown herself at him in her apology, babbling on about everything under the sun and not failing to mention that _she _would never abandon him like Lily had.

What was he supposed to say to something like that? And even more than that, he wished he could somehow force himself to forget the feeling of her hugging him. It had been so sudden he had had no chance to stop her and for some reason he had been unable to shove her away. Unable to do much of anything, actually. He did _not _like being frozen like that and not in control of his faculties, but that was what had happened when she'd thrown her arms around him.

Eventually he had regained that precious control but at what cost? By that time he had been made so out-of-sorts by the hug that he could not yell at her like he wished. He had managed a stern 'get out', thankfully, and she had left, showing that she at least had some sense of propriety and respect for others' boundaries – albeit barely. He wished he had yelled at her, though. But the proximity of their bodies to each other and the shock their contact had delivered had stopped him. Or maybe it was the tears that had been rolling unhindered down her cheeks that had stopped him from yelling at her. All right, maybe he didn't wish he had yelled at her. He wished _something_, he just didn't know what.

He forced his attention back to Professor Ketteridge, "Professor Samson and I are having a... disagreement."

"I gathered that much," the timid literature professor and Weasley relative stared down at her hands before adding, "I hope you two work whatever it was out. She's seemed rather depressed lately and coming from me that's saying something."

"Hm," he managed to maintain control of his irritation this time, and instead found himself considering her words. He felt a slight, odd twinge in his chest that was starting to become familiar. It had struck him when Professor Samson had called him by his first name and the few times she had smiled at him. Occasionally he had even smiled back.

Yes. Smiled. At her.

Yet now, truth be told, she _was _depressed. Horribly depressed. If Professor Ketteridge, the veritable Queen of Depression, even thought that Professor Samson was acting depressed then it _must _be true. Not that it wasn't obvious to him already. And yet he was ignoring her. He had to ignore her. She had made a serious mistake and he had to cut off communication. He didn't _want _to see or speak her anymore… did he? Yes, she had apologized and he knew she felt guilty about her transgression, but that was not enough.

And, after all, how _could_ he even talk to her after what she had done? What was there left to talk about? She had seen his entire past. He could not _talk _about that with her. It was bad enough talking about it with Potter after the whole 'last memories' incident in the final battle. And he was certain Dinah's opinions of the memories would be complex and he had no desire to hear any more of them than he already had when she had paralyzed him with that infernal hug.

When did his mind start calling her Dinah again? And why was he feeling that same, obnoxious twinge when he thought of how sad and pitiful she looked at meals as of late. This was why he had been trying not to _think _while reading today, damn it! And then this infernal Professor Ketteridge had to come in and bring up the subject of Dinah…

Curse it. Maybe he _would _talk to her and stop ignoring her.

Perhaps.

Eventually.

Maybe.

First he had to get Professor Ketteridge out of his office. "Is that all?"

"Well," she cleared her throat, "that was…easier than I thought it would be."

Severus sighed. _What _did these women want from him? "I fail to understand how I manage to teach eighteen years at Hogwarts without any of my colleagues making comments about my personality, and then suddenly this year I am bombarded by two women who insist upon judging me."

She giggled, "Well, I'm not sure about Dinah but I'm guessing as far as I'm concerned it has something to do with once having been taught by you. I sometimes forget that you can't give me detention and I find you just as intimidating now as I did then."

He stood. Her comment was slightly satisfying, although he still found it annoying that she apparently expected him to hex her or something just for knocking on his door. But if the intimidation from her school days was still present then that was surely a positive thing. He smirked, "Then I suppose I have been a success."

She smiled and walked to the door, "I suppose you have been. I know I learned a lot about potions in your class. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'll do my best not to remind you of…well you know," she tagged on before leaving his office.

Severus sighed and regarded the closed door, settling back down into his desk chair to think. Her comment had been about reminding him of Black, but now he was thinking more of her comments that had reminded him of Dinah.

The question was, what was the best course of action now? He certainly wasn't going to simply start talking to Dinah again, but perhaps it would come about of its own accord. If nothing else, he wished he could somehow get her to stop picking at her food at meals. One of the things he had found most… interesting and enjoyable in their acquaintanceship had been watching her eat, and marveling on the concept that any human being could eat so much and with so much enthusiasm and still be as slim and lovely…

He growled and stood from his desk, storming out of his office and back into his living quarters, slamming the door for good measure. Once again, he had to forcefully shove those types of thoughts on Dinah away from him. He could not become too soft on her. She had _still _committed a dreadful offense in looking into his pensieve and he needed to make sure she was fully aware of that and _never_ did it again. It would take caution to repair the acquaintanceship with his new colleague, but perhaps it could be done.

Maybe.


	6. What Did I Just Agree To?

A/N: This covers much of the material in chapters 27/28 of "The Serpents' Kiss"… it's a long one! :-D but I had a lot of fun writing it. In case anyone wonders I envision this Severus POV story to be not too much more than 30 chapters overall, so not crazy-long like "The Serpents' Kiss"

More chapters for "The Serpents' Kiss" coming fairly soon… thanks everyone for your reviews and your interest. I also intend to respond to everyone's reviews and private messages soon, there's just a lot going on right now as I move into a new place.

Thanks again!

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**WHAT DID I JUST AGREE TO ! ?  
**

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"That's enough!" Severus shouted, and his wand was in front of him, pointed at the three students. He was not in control. Again. He hated not being in control, but lately it was becoming a familiar feeling. Blame it on this strange year when for the first time in ages he had no important tasks to focus on, no need to be in control. And then Speasy had to arrive…

He mustn't hex students. The knowledge was there, but he could barely access it. How had he reached this point, with his wand raised at students, curses and hexes roiling around in the back of his mind? He was about to use anything to stop this torment. But he _must _not use those spells. Maybe if they would just leave… "If you don't stop and go back to your houses right now then-"

"_Stop it_!" a new, familiar voice screamed, and Severus spun his head around, his wand still outstretched at Wortham, Lee, and Speasy, to see none other than the person he had been… thinking about lately.

"Dinah!" He tried to ignore the light in her eyes and the fact that he had just blurted out her first name again, acknowledging her presence for the first time in two weeks. Mostly, he was shocked. She had burst in, which was certainly a good thing given that he had been almost ready to hex students, but he was surprised that she had the guts to do so after what had happened and after the way he had been treating her lately. He was not without regrets about that, now that he'd time to calm down, but still…

His mind was just focused enough, also, to register that a fluffy cream-colored rat was crawling around on his colleague's shoulder. He recalled she had an affection for animals…

She was coming toward them, stopping by his side and looking at the students, a much more in-control expression on her face. He hated to admit it, but he was grateful for her intrusion. "All right, this is clearly getting out of hand. I'm taking off ten extra points from Slytherin and giving five to Ravenclaw."

Hm. Apparently she had been watching for some time, then, if she knew about the points that had already been taken and about Mae Yates's previous presence before Severus had sent her back to her rooms before Speasy had a chance to… call her Mudblood and ruin everything.

"But Professor Samson, that still gives Gryffindor _double_ the negative points over Slytherin," John Wortham, that little Gryffindor slime and James Potter Incarnate, protested.

"That's not my problem," Dinah said, her tone cool and, again, so in control. Right now, Severus admired that and was also a bit envious; "Treat other students better from now on. Now, all three of you do what Professor Snape said and go back to your common rooms. Aside from class, I don't want to see any of you wandering around or coming anywhere near each other until after dinner is over. And _no more _transfiguring other peoples' property, Mr. Speasy!"

"Yes, ma'am," Andrew Speasy sighed, putting his wand away and starting to follow the other two boys back into Hogwarts.

Well, he was not getting away that easily. Did the boy even realize the thread that his entire life hung on right now? Did he realize how close he was to a life of misery? If he slipped up even once with Miss Yates… even _once_...

Severus snatched the awkward little Slytherin runt by the collar of his robes, growling, "And as for _you_, Mr. Speasy…"

"Y-yes, Professor Snape?" Severus tried not to wince as the boy sneezed from that ever-present cold, staring up at him nervously with that red-nosed, watery-eyed face. If ever there was a student that was _more _awkward than he had been in his time at Hogwarts, this was the one.

He glared at the boy; "_Don't screw this up_."

"I won't, I won't!" Speasy insisted, struggling to escape.

"Good," Severus shoved him away, desperately hoping that the boy was intelligent enough to follow through.

Speasy started to scramble off, but then stopped and turned back, a confused look on his face. "Wait. Don't screw what up?"

"Nothing!" Severus snapped. "Go to your common room!"

"Yes, Sir," he hurried away.

Stupid boy. So stupid… didn't understand anything. Was just like Severus in his school days, right down to the crush on Mae Yates and the latching onto other, Death Eater-like Slytherins that would only lead him down the wrong path. Severus _had _to make sure that the boy faced a better future than he had. That he didn't destroy whatever he had going with Miss Yates by speaking just one, awful word…

Seeing that boy go through his day-to-day life, Severus almost felt grateful that his only afflictions had been hair that insisted on staying perpetually greasy no matter his hygiene practices and an abnormally large nose, combined with the unfortunate scrawny awkwardness that he did share with Speasy. But at least he hadn't had that cold. Going through every day of one's life sneezing and sniffling all the time had to be the worst curse ever. But even with that curse Speasy still had a chance to make things right… a chance Severus would never have again.

Severus pushed the pain aside as he always did, forcing his mind onto a different subject with the skill of a Legilimens. Dinah was still next to him and he owed it to her to stop ignoring her, especially after she had essentially saved the day. She was impressive, he had to admit.

He sighed and turned to face her. She was looking pointedly away from him, and he couldn't exactly blame her. But in an instant she turned, hearing his sigh, to face him. He considered her for a few moments, unsure where to begin. Her lips twitched as though she was trying to smile, but he wasn't sure if she managed the expression she wanted or not. And then she was back to staring.

Well, staring at each other was not helpful. He sighed again, resigned, and said the only thing he could think of. "Walk with me."

Her reaction was typical of what it had been over the days before the pensive incident. A light blush rose in her cheeks and she tucked a strand of long, soft-looking, dark blonde hair behind her ear before replying in a soft voice; "Okay."

Trying not to snarl at his own thoughts again – why exactly was he thinking about what her hair might feel like? - Severus began walking. Dinah matched his pace as they wandered the grounds and he tried to decide where to begin. He had been ignoring her and had made her absolutely miserable for the past two weeks, and yes, now he regretted it. However, he was also a bit irritated, still, over what she had done, and she needed to know that. So how should he start the conversation? Infernal social skills. He had never needed to use them _before _this.

He had passed this spot before, going in the other direction…

Wonderful. Now he was walking around in circles. And this woman actually _wanted _to spend time with him? Impossible.

He turned around again, keeping his head facing forward but shifting his gaze so that he could make her out in his peripheral vision. "So, you've seen everything, have you?"

_That _was what he chose to start the conversation with? Brilliant.

"Er..." she flushed again – he wished she would stop doing that - and turned to look at him. "I guess so," she admitted. "Maybe."

She looked awkward and he could not blame her. If he had just not left his _door _open on that day… "I suppose your bad habits are rubbing off on me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it was your leaving your own door open that caused our initial debate meeting, wasn't it?" Now it was him that sounded awkward, he thought, annoyed, as he turned again and led them backwards for the umpteenth time.

"Oh," her tone was disappointed, and though he could not see her as she hurried again to keep up with him, he recalled that miserable look she had been wearing for the past two weeks; "Yes, it was. So I guess that was a bad thing too, huh?"

"I didn't..." he came to an abrupt stop, wondering how he had managed to give her the wrong impression with his words, "say that." He turned to face her, and she appeared to be catching her balance from the sudden halt. "Look, do you mind if we find a place to sit down? This walking in circles isn't very productive."

"Uh, sure," she agreed. "I was just following you."

He looked around for a place to sit and could think of nowhere but the castle wall, and so headed in that direction and settled down on the ground in front of it, leaning back against the sturdy stone. Dinah followed suit, sitting next to him. Again, he wasn't sure what to say, and so he looked out at the grounds, watching the students milling about for a few moments.

Turning back to Dinah, his mind chose again to focus on the rat crawling on her shoulder. Well, idle conversation was better than nothing. "You said you have four pets?"

"What?" she jumped a little, startled at his words. "Er, yeah," she picked up the creature, transferring it to her lap and stroking its fur absently; "Helga. For Hufflepuff."

"I see." He stared at her, wondering what she was thinking. He could find out… but he would not do that. It wouldn't be fair. And yet, perhaps she should be aware of the risk anyway. Especially after what she did. "You should know… I'm a skilled Legilimens."

His comment had the desired effect. His colleague's face reddened and she scooted away from him a bit. "What? You mean you've been-"

"No," he shook his head, intent on making this clear to her. "I tend not to use my abilities on others unless absolutely necessary. Keeping up with the entire concept of minding my own business and hoping that others will do the same. I simply thought you should know. And what _possessed _you to spy on my personal effects simply because I was not in my office?" His train of thought as he spoke had wandered quickly from mild irritation to intense frustration, as he recalled the pensieve incident instigated by this woman, who had had no business to do so.

Dinah looked somewhat frightened by his mood change and he felt a little guilty, but this needed to get out into the open and worked through if she wanted to be his acquaintance again. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know what I was thinking, honestly. I guess an apology isn't worth much, though. I guess..." she looked away, going silent for a moment. When he didn't speak, she continued, "Listen, I'm sorry I overreacted in there. When you found me, and all... It's just that everything I saw was so overwhelming. And then you kind of ... scared me."

"I believe that was my intention," he smirked. So she was bringing up the hug and the babbling, was she? Now he was simply curious where this conversation would lead.

Dinah nodded, that miserable look on her face again, and out of the clear blue Severus decided that he hated that expression and had no intention of ever making her that miserable again. He wasn't necessarily a nice person, but he would try to be nice to her from now on, provided she did not do something like that again; "Then consider yourself successful," she was saying. "But I was more upset when I figured you'd never want to speak to me again."

"I wasn't sure I would want to myself, at first," he admitted, baffled again as to why speaking to him was so important to her. As a general rule, people did not like him. "But I think at this point it's better to discuss the matter, since I have no intention of _Obliviating_ you against your will."

"Thanks for that," she muttered.

"By the way, um…" it had to be said; "Thank you." She turned an incredulous look on him and he found himself chuckling slightly in amusement. He did not laugh often, but she could elicit it. And clearly, she had not imagined that he would ever thank her for anything. He was a bit surprised himself. "For interrupting that confrontation," he clarified. "I'm afraid I was getting rather incapable of handling it without hexing the boys."

"I understand now," she said softly; "Why they bother you so much."

He sighed and looked away, watching a few students as they walked by and cast surprised glances in his and Dinah's direction. Probably surprised to see them sitting there. But he didn't care about that right now. It was none of their business anyway.

He was more concerned about Dinah's comment. 'Understand' was such a meaningless word, but she could not see that through her veil of idealism. "You may have seen a bunch of memories I was foolish enough to leave floating about in my pensieve. But _understanding_," he shook his head. "I'm afraid no one could ever understand."

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Dinah shake her head; "Maybe not the same way you do, but I do to an extent. There's something you may recall me telling you, or then again you may not. I suppose I'm not a terribly interesting person, really. But when I was in school I was made fun of something awful. There were other, deeper reasons, but mostly just because I was older, different... I never really had any friends here."

That was what the headmaster had been trying to convince him. That they could understand some of each other's experiences from their school days. Oddly enough, the old man had been silent on the issue ever since the pensieve incident, however. Severus should have been relieved that Dumbledore stopped nagging him about Dinah, but it had actually ended up being more unnerving than anything. Probably exactly what the headmaster had wanted, he thought bitterly. The old man was conniving enough to be a Slytherin. "Then what possessed you to come back and teach?" he asked Dinah.

"I know it sounds strange, but I did love it here. Even without friends, Dumbledore was good to me and I learned a lot. I got better at handling the 'no friends' thing in my later years, when I buried myself in my studies. I didn't love the social environment, but I loved the place. It's just beautiful here, you know?"

He shrugged; "It has its merits." Truthfully, he could understand that much. Although many bad things had happened to him at Hogwarts, he did like it here. Granted, in his youth it had been a choice between here and his parents' home, which had made the winner all too easy to pick. Still, he did enjoy the environment at the school, of all the places he'd spent any length of time at.

"Um," Dinah's tone changed a bit, became easier, "If it makes you feel better I have decided that I don't think I like Sirius Black anymore."

He laughed again. At least she could keep things light when she tried. He was not used to being light, but it was somewhat… pleasant. "Don't tell your friend Professor Ketteridge about that."

She smiled. "That's not my intention. Yet. Although she is getting suspicious. I ran into them both, but he was in dog form. She still doesn't know that you told me about his ability."

"You don't know," he said slowly, turning to look at her again, "Everything yet. About Black. There was a very important memory missing from the pensieve." Thank goodness it had been missing. And yet, if he was glad she hadn't seen it why was he bringing it up? He didn't understand any of his behaviors these days.

"You mean he did _more _to you than just that?" She frowned; "But I guess it seemed in the pensieve that James was the worst. And you hated him the most. Because of her."

"Her," Severus murmured, unable to look at Dinah any longer when she said that, and so he turned out to regard the grounds again. Yes, half the wizarding world knew about his feelings for Lily thanks to Potter's blathering when he thought Severus was dead, but he had up until the pensieve incident been grateful to know that Dinah seemed oblivious to that fact, due to her being holed up in the Muggle world for so long. It had been easier maintaining a relationship with her – whatever kind of relationship it was – when that whole mess had been left as an unknown. He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, an anxious gesture of his that came out from time to time. "Yes. _That_, above all else,is what I wish you hadn't seen."

"I'm sorry," she said. "It didn't exactly make me happy, either. I mean not that I-" she cut herself off, and he was struck again by the uncomfortable idea that she might be more… _interested _in him than just as an acquaintance, friend, or debating partner. "I'm sorry," she said again, more quietly; "Sorry about everything that happened. It must have been so hard. But in the long run it was what turned you back to the good side, what brought you away from being a Death Eater."

"You don't know anything about that!" He fumed, turning to glare at her. What was she saying to him? _Why _would she say that to him? Was she trying to be like the headmaster? Trying to tell him how he felt? She didn't understand _anything_! "Are you saying that it was a good thing Lily was brutally murdered? So that I could return to the 'good side'? Was losing her the only way I would get a chance to redeem myself?" It wasn't as though the thought hadn't crossed his mind, but it was an awful thought and he tried to ignore it as much as possible.

"I'm not saying that," she said softly, and he felt his frustration subside by the tiniest fraction. He noticed her hand moving and his eyes followed it to its shocking destination. His own hand. She took his hand. He flinched at the touch. People did not touch him. Why was she touching him again? Especially after what had happened last time. And why wasn't he yanking away? Perhaps because it was such a new, interesting sensation. He still didn't know what her hair felt like, but her hand was most definitely… soft.

It was a curious experience, and strange though it was he decided to let it be for now. He sighed and leaned back against the castle wall, continuing to watch his mysterious new acquaintance. "Then what _are _you saying, exactly?"

She moved closer to him, her eyes sad, but sad for _him_ this time. He was cautious, but he didn't want to back off. Someone was trying to understand him. Even if it was impossible, he almost appreciated the gesture. Though he still had no idea what he could possibly have done to make her like him so much. Unless it was that day in the rain…

Her hand had been cold then. Now it was warm.

"I didn't mean to imply that it was a good thing," she explained. "What happened to her. It was awful, the whole thing was. And I like to think you would have come around on your own even if she had lived. You're a good person, Severus. You've just had a hard life."

"Thank you for your assessment," he said sarcastically. Those were not the words that he had expected her to say. But people were always saying them to him these days, as though the words actually meant something. "I so needed you to tell me that."

She flushed. "I'm sorry. I'm saying all the wrong things."

"I think that's because there's no right thing to say. What you did was wrong, and you're lucky I've decided to even discuss it with you. But I hardly think your judgments make any difference at this point on what is already done and over with and unchangeable. I shouldn't even be _alive_ save for some random piece of inexplicable old magic that has insisted I have more to offer the world." There. That ought to shut her up.

"Severus," instead, she looked for a moment like she might cry. Wonderful. "You don't think you have more to offer?"

"I've already fulfilled my mission. I spent eighteen years in the service of the Dark Lord living a life that wasn't my own. Do you think it's easy to pick up the pieces and live as a normal citizen after all of that? Sometimes I think a peaceful death would have been _better_." He wasn't sure why he was sharing all of his convoluted thoughts from the past few months with her, but it was almost a relief to get them off of his chest to someone that was not the headmaster.

"You can't really mean that," she squeezed his hand. Why did she care about him so much? What had he done to make her care?

He shrugged, but he suddenly didn't want her warm hand to leave his. He quite consciously tightened his fingers around hers. The fact that someone cared was actually a good feeling, and that surprised him. "Part of me wants to try again," he admitted, and it was the truth. "But I don't know if I can. And without... Lily..." he looked away again as he spoke her name. Everything that had been so straightforward and made so much sense to him before the Dark Lord's defeat was gone. He had been reborn into a world that held nothing but confusion. And Dinah's sudden presence in it was just as confusing. He felt a twinge of guilt that he was holding her hand, and not Lily's, but still he did not let go.

"You really loved her," Dinah said. Or at least, that's what he thought she said. He could barely hear her, she was speaking so softly.

Yes. He really loved Lily. He had then and he did now. He loved her so much and he would never get the chance to tell her. Now that he had been reborn he would also never get the chance to find out if she had forgiven him. If he had died at least somehow… maybe… he could have seen her. Maybe he could have heard her say it was all right… if nothing else, thank him for protecting her son. It was selfish to want that from her, but he did. Really, he wanted more, but she had chosen Potter.

Potter. Not him. Potter.

Severus had almost forgotten Dinah was sitting next to him when he felt her thumb running gently, almost soothingly if he allowed himself to feel such a thing, across the back of his hand. He closed his eyes. Maybe he could imagine it was Lily doing that instead of Dinah. He felt an instant twinge of guilt at the thought. Dinah was trying to help, somehow, through her mixed-up idealism, and the least he could do would be to allow her that and not try to imagine it was somebody else. Not that he could do it anyway. She didn't feel the same as Lily. She was so different from Lily. She was most definitely just Dinah.

Dinah. Why was Dinah the one who was so kind to him and Lily the one who had abandoned him?

"I really meant what I said, you know. Back then," Dinah spoke softly again, and for a moment he wondered what she was talking about until she continued. "I wouldn't have done what she did. Lily. I wouldn't ever abandon you."

Severus opened his eyes. His first thought was: had she read his mind? His second thought was much worse. It was a realization.

It was now one-hundred percent obvious that the woman _did – actually – _have a romantic interest in him.

He quickly withdrew his hand from hers and sat up straight, turning to stare at Dinah. Slowly, she turned to meet his gaze, and he could see that she was blushing – _again_. And there was no mistaking the meaning behind it anymore.

It was true and it was disturbing. She _actually _had a romantic interest in him. He had no idea why, but there was no denying it. Didn't she realize that not only did he have no desire for such a relationship but he also was incapable of offering her what she wanted?

He did not see why she wanted it in the first place. He was not attractive. He knew that much. And he most certainly didn't have any traits that a woman would desire in a man. He was cynical, grouchy, and had close to no sense of humor. Not to even begin to address his lack of experience in sexual matters… not that he had any desire to have sex with a woman who was not Lily, although Dinah _was _attractive…

But all of that was beside the point. The _point _was that it didn't make sense for her to be romantically interested in him as a man. An acquaintance, maybe a friend, and a debating partner, certainly, but as a man? It made no sense. If any woman was going to… _want _him why couldn't it have been Lily and not Dinah? Not that he disliked Dinah, particularly, but…

His thoughts were getting too convoluted. He needed to focus on the matter at hand, even though it was senseless. But crushes were funny things, as Dinah had once said. And now he was certain she had been referring to her bizarre 'feelings' for him. But she didn't want to get involved with him. It would not end well if she did.

But how could he convince her of that without hurting her? He wasn't used to convincing people of things without hurting them. Had no experience in trying to do things 'nicely'. He had never had any need to. Yet he did now… because he wasn't going to see her looking like that again.

She was an intelligent woman. Perhaps he could frame this to her logically. "You don't want this."

Dinah's face registered solemn understanding. She knew what he was talking about. "I don't want what?"

"What it is you think you want," he replied just as cryptically, and then shook his head. "You don't. You've seen the memories. You know how strong my feelings are for Lily. If you are entertaining the notion of becoming involved with me then you are setting yourself up for only disappointment and heartbreak. You know it's true. You don't want this." Surely she could understand that and would not argue.

She sighed; "Let me decide what it is that I want."

Determination and stubbornness. He should have known. Frustrated, Severus shook his head again; "You're impossible. What can I do to discourage you?"

She frowned. "Nothing. At least I hope you won't do anything. Can't we at least... try? I won't rush you. You can go at whatever pace you want. At the very least I just want to be able to spend time with you freely. These past two weeks have been... difficult. I don't think anything else could be more disappointing."

He snorted, "Just wait and see." She was fighting him on it. And he feared she was going to keep fighting him no matter what he said. But she really wanted to be around him that much? Being apart from him was that disappointing? He didn't understand.

"Please, Severus? I just want to try."

Severus stared at her again. Her face was calm and set and waiting for an answer. But he could only see that look of disappointment he'd had to face for the past two weeks. He hated to admit it, but it had sort of been eating away at him. And her plea to just 'try'… maybe he could make her happy for a little bit and then she would get tired of him. Maybe it would be better to just avoid hurting her at all right now and then she would slowly and easily fall out of what was certainly only a passing interest. They might even be able to stay friends afterwards. Maybe that was the better choice.

And, after all, he couldn't exactly say he didn't like her after he had just held her hand for five minutes.

…

He had let her hold his hand for five minutes.

Had he lost his mind?

Now how could he say no to her? How could he hurt her again? She just wanted him to 'try' and maybe that wasn't such a horrible thing. He could chalk it up to a life experience and at least it might temporarily distract him from his confusing thoughts this year. And maybe it would never go beyond hand-holding. He had excellent control, and the desire to honor his love for Lily – the only thing that had sustained him over the past eighteen years – would surely keep him from doing anything too drastic with Dinah. But the hand-holding was not so terrible. Not really…

It was now or never. Yes or no. He had to make a decision and she was still staring at him. He opened his mouth and sighed; "I suppose I can't stop you."

Her face lit up and he had to smirk. Honestly, she was that interested in him? It made _absolutely _no sense. "Really? You'll try?"

He rolled his eyes. "Either that or deal with you moping around for the rest of your life. Honestly, I don't think I could stand to have that on my conscience. You _do_ do an excellent job of looking pitiful, Professor Dinah Samson."

She blushed. He had to admit that it turned her cheeks a lovely shade of pink. "I wasn't really trying to. I guess I'm just not as good at hiding my emotions as you are. Maybe you could teach me your strategies."

"They would take years to learn," he replied, still smirking. Besides, he didn't think she was capable of that sort of thing. Her emotions were too strong and she seemed to enjoy using them too much. She could never understand the merits of blocking them off.

Dinah laughed, "Thank you, Severus. Besides, I think you do at least like me. That's the impression I got. Well, I don't know if you find me _attractive _or anything..." she trailed off, her flush deepening. She was actually worried about how _he_ viewed _her_? What planet had he been reborn into?

He stared at her. Well, might as well take this the rest of the way now that he had agreed to date her.

…

He had agreed to date her.

When? How had this happened? He had really said yes just now? This woman was his 'girlfriend'?

Severus forced himself not to smirk at the ridiculous word. She had asked him a question and he owed her an answer. "You are…" he couldn't look at her and finish his sentence. He was afraid he might be blushing. He turned away, "pretty."

Yes. She _was _pretty. More than that she was beautiful. And he was most definitely attracted to her. He wasn't going to do anything with that attraction, but he _was _still a normal man. Albeit a normal man that had nothing to offer a woman, and she would surely discover that soon enough. But maybe he would enjoy bits and pieces of this 'relationship'. Maybe she would too.

What was he thinking of? This had all happened too fast for his brain to process. He wasn't interested in dating _anyone_ no matter how attractive they were. He had Lily. Or he had his memory of her. Not that that was worth much now but he'd gotten used to it. And yet, he did like Dinah… he liked her very much…

"Really?" Dinah was saying. "Wow... um, thanks."

He shook his head, but felt almost like smiling. It was a bit flattering, really, that she liked him so much. He'd never had that before. It still made no sense, but it was flattering. He turned back to her. "Now that that decision has been made, I believe we might want to head to lunch."

"Lunch!" she exclaimed, that light in her eyes returning again but this time in reference to food. It was a relief to have her turning back to normal. Maybe that made his ludicrous dating decision somewhat worth it. "Wonderful. I'm starving."

"You should be," Severus smirked. He stood up and, after a very brief internal deliberation, decided to extend his hand for her to take. He might as well, at this point. "You've been picking at your food for the past two weeks. It was horribly out of character."

Her flush had not disappeared. In fact, it might have intensified. Her smaller, soft hand landed in his again and he let his fingers close over it, helping her to stand. The feeling was sort of nice.

She was also smiling. Her smile, her hand… ugh. That awful twinge in his chest again, and another twinge, a bit lower…

Severus forced himself not to scowl. He could fight that part of it. He had resisted for this many years and he could continue to do so. There was still Lily's picture, after all, and his memories of her. They sustained that part of him just fine. Although, he supposed it was probably a bit pathetic. But he could not betray her memory and his devotion to her. It was all he had.

And yet, now he had something new. Something quite curious that would have to be explored. Slowly, until she decided she wasn't interested anymore.

"Well, I'm hungry again now," she said.

"Hopefully, you can eat as fast as you usually do because there are only twenty minutes of the lunch hour left." He was satisfied that through all his roiling thoughts his smirk had not disappeared. He let her hand go, ignoring the bit of reluctance he felt at doing so, and they began walking together towards the main entrance.

"Oh, I think I can manage," she assured him.

He had no doubt about that. They remained silent as they approached the Great Hall, but he was turning the previous events over and over in his mind, trying to make sense of them. The more he thought about it the more shocked he was that he had actually agreed to her proposal. It didn't even seem real. This morning he had not been speaking to her and now he was… 'involved' with her.

Romantically.

If it could be called that when he didn't intend to do much more than hold her hand, and even that very rarely. Then again, depending upon how long it took for Dinah to lose interest they might end up doing more. He tried not to think about kissing and he most certainly tried not to think about sex. It was too early for those thoughts. He could resist them. There were plenty of other thoughts to occupy his mind, at any rate. In fact, ever since the rebirth all he really had were his thoughts.

Confusing, convoluted, spinning thoughts. Nothing was straightforward anymore. He couldn't just follow through with his mission, because he _had_ no mission. Instead, he had an entire rebirth and a potential new life to try to make sense of.

_Maybe _Dinah would be a pleasant distraction from that. He didn't want to admit it, but he hoped that would be the case.

Still, he never in a million years would have imagined that he would be where he was now. Involved with a woman for the first _real _time in his long, meaningless life.

…

_What _had he just agreed to?


	7. Side Effects

A/N: Sorry for the long break between updates! These Severus POV stories are a bit more challenging to write, especially at this stage in his and Dinah's relationship, but don't worry I intend to continue adding to this story.

This one takes place in the stretch of time between chapters 31 and 32, while Dinah and Severus are still in their early 'dating' phase and haven't really gotten cuddly or anything yet, just some smiling, talking, and occasional hand-holding at this point.

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**SIDE EFFECTS**

* * *

"I wonder if changing the ratios would help at all," Dinah was saying from over by one of his potions shelves. It was a Wednesday evening in the middle of October, and classes were starting to get intense as the first round of exams for the year approached. Severus was grading, but he had allowed Dinah to join him in his office for a while, as he did now from time to time, so that she could help him go through some more potential potions ingredients for Slughorn and Eugene's youthening concoction. He had to admit, her assistance was often appreciated.

"To?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She flushed and he ignored the twinge that was becoming familiar. She was still not losing interest. Obviously he must be doing something 'right', although he did not know what. "Well," she shrugged; "I'm not sure. The idea just hit me, but if you give me time I'm sure I can come up with a suggestion for you."

"I don't doubt it." She was quite intelligent when it came to potions, he was discovering more and more as they assisted their other colleagues. He was not surprised she had become a member of the Slug Club. Certainly she must have been a pleasure for Slughorn to have in class. That old man got all the talented students and Severus was stuck with dunderheads.

He growled as he gave Hermione Granger's paper an 'Acceptable'. He would rather fail her, as by-the-book as her answers were, but he wanted to get her out of his classroom. He wanted all of the children from that era to leave Hogwarts behind and never come back. He had had enough of them.

"Everything okay? Get a bad paper?" Dinah asked, coming back over to sit across from him at his desk, placing the ingredients he had asked her to locate on the surface in front of him.

Severus sighed. Her presence was both positive and frustrating. "The usual rot I am forced to deal with," he admitted, shoving the pile aside to address the potions ingredients for a moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a bother. Just making conversation," she apologized.

"No need for apologies," he smirked, reaching across to finger one of the vials, turning it to look at the date he had placed on the label; "Yes, these will do. They are fresher than what we've been using."

"Severus?"

He sighed, fighting the twinge again. Yes, he was starting to like the way it sounded when she said his name. It wasn't as nice as it used to sound when Lily said it, but it was different and it was sort of … satisfying. "Yes?"

"The noises from Eugene's room… I'm starting to get used to them. But it concerns me, because they still shouldn't be there."

He sighed; "I know. But we cannot investigate them without further evidence. I don't believe they are ordinary noises made from the wind, though, as Eugene says. But it isn't as though he doesn't have a right to privacy." Dinah had brought to his attention, since they had begun 'dating', a number of odd things happening in the school this year, and they concerned him. He had thought this year was frustrating because it was normal and he had no mission to distract him, but he now found that he didn't really want any 'incidents' this year either… he honestly didn't know _what _he wanted anymore.

She sighed; "Yeah, I suppose. I almost want to catch him doing something bad just so we can investigate him," she laughed. He liked the sound of her laughter. It was sort of musical. "But really, he seems so harmless and friendly."

He smiled slightly, and then it hit him.

This was bad. This was very bad.

She was starting to break down his emotional barriers.

Over the past few weeks he had smiled more often, been kinder to others, and just generally started opening himself up to Dinah.

This was definitely bad.

Being somewhat friendly or even, he thought with a slight, hopefully hidden grimace, _affectionate _towards her was one thing, but what if he began telling her about his past? It was bad enough the things she had seen in his pensieve but what if he started sharing even _more _information? There were things in that long, tragic past of his – pain so strong it was nearly unbearable when he allowed himself to feel it – that he _must not _share with her. But he had the sinking feeling that he might – that he _would_, someday, do just that. She was so welcoming, so friendly, and so bizarrely attached to him. Although he hated to admit it, he was flattered and he enjoyed her company and he almost… _liked _talking to her about things he had long considered private. He didn't want to make their relationship personal, hadn't wanted that from the beginning, but it was becoming personal on its own and he couldn't stop it.

He truly feared that someday his heart would open further, just from being around the accepting, empathetic person that she was. And if it did, he wasn't sure if he would be able to bear it. But he could sense that it was a very real possibility that would happen, the way he was already opening himself up to her.

Everything he had worked so long and hard to build, blocking off all of the intense feelings and emotions, walling them away, only letting them in in very small, short, manageable portions when absolutely necessary. The control he had worked eighteen years to perfect.

She was breaking it.

"Severus?" Dinah was saying, her brow furrowed at him as she looked a little worried. He had been silent for too long. "Is everything all right?"

"Ah. Yes. Fine. I'm sorry," he shook his head a little, trying to clear those disturbing thoughts. It would be better to break it off with her now, prevent this looming fate. Why wait for her to tire of him? Why _not _just say to her that he didn't think this would work out and that they would be better off as nothing more than casual colleagues? That was what he _should _do.

But… he didn't _want _to. Despite the horrible possibilities, his time with Dinah had been pleasant. It would not last. He knew it would not last forever, but he didn't want to cut it short prematurely, even if it meant there would be pain down the road.

It was illogical and it was ridiculous and he chastised himself inwardly for these infernal thoughts.

But there was nothing he could do. He wasn't going to tell her to go away. He would just have to deal with the consequences and the side effects if they arose. Or perhaps, now that he was aware of their threat, he could prevent them from arising. That was the best course of action, and really the only option left to him now that he'd decided not to end their relationship, whatever that relationship was.

Sighing, he allowed himself to smile at her again, and felt yet another twinge as she smiled back, looking pleasantly surprised as she always did when he smiled at her. And he enjoyed seeing that expression on her lovely face, no matter how irritated he was at himself for it.

Dinah was in his life now. Until she herself decided that she didn't want to be anymore.


	8. Increased Intimacy

A/N: Hello again! Wow, it's been ages! Again, sorry for the long break between updates of this story. I hope folks are still following it! I can't promise when it will get updated. Sometimes it may be days, sometimes months... as I said before, it's slow-going sometimes getting Severus's thoughts "just right". But I will keep at it!

This one matches with chapter 33 of "The Serpents' Kiss".

* * *

**INCREASED INTIMACY**

* * *

Severus did not want to go to Slughorn's today. The old Potions professor and his intriguing new colleage Evgeni "Eugene" Wilkins would say that his help was 'needed' for the youthening potion and if he did not take the time to go up and assist as normal surely one of the pair would come down to the dungeons and demand to know why.

Of course, he did enjoy the mental stimulation that he found when working on the potion, but... _she _would be there.

Yes, once again the thought of being in Dinah's presence made him uneasy, but this time it was due to the awkward situation that had befallen them the day before. He had thought that their bizarre relationship had settled into a reasonably pleasant groove. But yesterday was the first time that she had come early enough to meet him for dinner that she witnessed the tail end of his seventh years' class and had 'caught' him ignoring the insufferable know-it-all Miss Hermione Granger.

Needless to say, he had not been prepared for the scolding that had followed.

More than that, he had not been prepared for his _reaction _to Dinah's scolding. His idealist 'girlfriend' had, apparently, been shocked and appalled that he would ignore a students' raised hand and she had told him so in no uncertain terms. His reaction at first had been calculated and indifferent, but the more she ranted and told him off about it the less he had been able to hold himself together. No colleague of his had ever _dared _tell him how to run his classes before, nor judge him on the teaching choices he made. But Dinah... Dinah was clearly different.

Her scolding had gotten him so out of sorts that he had _actually _told her he 'wouldn't do it anymore'. Wouldn't ignore Hermione Granger! Indeed! How had that infernal woman gotten him to promise that?

Well, she had gone on about how ignoring students was 'disgusting' and 'unprofessional' and other choice words, as though it offended her personally how he treated his _own _students in his _own _classes. And the most infernal thing was that part of him had actually _listened _to her! He even wondered if she had some points. But ignoring Gryffindor students was a favorite pastime of his and one of the few things he found enjoyable in the day-to-day grind of teaching dunderheads concepts that they could barely grasp. Well, perhaps he could continue to be biased against Gryffindor and unpleasant towards those students, but he could no longer ignore them. He had promised. Well, he hadn't actually used the word 'promise', but... Dinah made it feel like a promise. The woman had odd powers, truly.

And yet his promise hadn't been enough? Because when he thought that ridiculous scene and her scolding was finally over he had asked if they were going to dinner and she had refused, saying she would take dinner in her rooms and that he should think about what she'd told him and make the 'appropriate changes'. Then she had positively stormed out of the room.

This left Severus uncomfortable and baffled. He sensed that this was not the moment that their relationship would end. It had not had that sense of finality to it, and so he knew he still had some time remaining with Dinah. What it _had _been, apparently, was a fight, and he had no idea how he should behave in this sort of situation. Which was why he didn't want to go to Slughorn's and see her.

But he in effect had no choice, and so he grudgingly stood from his couch and set aside the parchments he had been grading, walking out of his rooms, through his office, and into the Hogwarts halls. Not since the rebirth and the end of his various spy missions had he felt so much like he was walking toward his doom, and the closer he got to Slughorn's rooms on the upper floors the more his body wanted to turn around and go back in the other direction. He must have been scowling more than usual because the students cleared quite a path for him as he walked by, which was just as well.

What in Merlin's name was he going to say to Dinah when he saw her? Why the hell did that infernal woman have such power over him? Why did he feel as though he was being punished by her and he had to feel an appropriate level of guilt for the way he had behaved yesterday? And worst of all, why was he hoping so desperately that she wasn't mad at him anymore? _Would _she still be mad at him? And if she was, what did that mean he had to do to fix it? Did he even want to fix it? Questions, questions, and more questions.

By the time he made it to Slughorn's, he had worked himself up into an anxious state of uncertainty and gave an agitated rap on the door. As it opened he felt his stomach sink a little. Would she be here already? Would she greet him as normal? Usually, her eyes lit up and she said his name... curses, why did he like that so much?

"Severus!" Slughorn saying his name, on the other hand, held much less of a thrill. "Do come in! You're right on time! Eugene has a great many ideas to try today and he would love to run them by you. He was already sharing them all with Dinah here..."

"Ah... right... yes..." Severus managed, distracted as he realized she had already arrived and let his gaze drift over to her. Her eyes me his and she gave an uneasy smile.

"Hello," she managed.

"Mm... hello," he replied, feeling quite uncomfortable.

She seemed to feel the same, though, as she quickly averted her gaze and turned back to the effort she was making at her cauldron.

"Well, well..." Slughorn trailed, looking from one of them to the other with a curious expression. Nosy old man.

"Eugene," Severus took his cue from Dinah and averted his own gaze, fighting his anxiety over the state of their relationship with a businesslike distraction, "What are the ideas you have in mind?"

"Well," the Bulgarian Potions Master said, his eyes shining with the excitement he normally exuded when talking about his ambitious project, "In addition to the ingredients we have already worked with and that have already been suggested, I have a growing list of more ideas that I think will help us in the transition from frog to rat test subjects, getting us closer to the human testing point."

Severus resisted countering with 'not much closer' and simply nodded his understanding.

"That said," Eugene continued, "I would very much like for you to look over my list and tell me what you think. I have already had Horace and Dinah's inputs and found them quite invaluable."

"Fine then," he agreed, walking over to the area the Potions assistant indicated and noting the noises that came from back in Slughorn's private quarters yet again. The sounds from Eugene's room, which were apparently caused by an 'open window'. Still, as Dinah had discovered, they were suspicious, especially given their frequency. He was almost used to hearing them, and perhaps that was why Eugene and Slughorn seemed to be ignoring them completely as of late. The whole thing was very odd and not much to Severus's liking.

But he ignored the noises for now and instead turned his attention to the list Eugene presented to him, reading it over and offering suggestions on things he thought were promising, things that were not and should perhaps be removed, and more possible additions to the list. That finished, he was forced to return to where Dinah was and begin the tasks of preparing the solutions for testing. As they had been doing at meals and had already done earlier, they continued to avoid each other's gazes, at least until Eugene and Slughorn retreated to the storage area momentarily.

"How is it coming?" she asked him, meeting his gaze.

He was a bit startled at her initiation of conversation, but managed an awkward response. "Well enough. I think adding the new ingredients will help immensely for the transition from frog to rat subjects." It was a very generic response and he felt he needed to say more. "How is yours coming?" Yes, very smooth. Since when had he cared about polite conversation before meeting this woman?

"Oh, well," she agreed, her slender fingers stirring the concoction she had been preparing but her gaze not leaving his. He, on the other hand, found himself distracted a bit by those fingers... the nails seemed to be sporting a pale pink polish. He had a disturbing desire to reach across and touch her hand, feel its soft warmth... "Severus?"

Startled, but keeping it hidden, he again cursed his chest for jumping the way it did when she said his name and asked, "What?"

"I'm sorry," she said, offering him a small smile.

This time he actually had to use Occlumency to keep his expression blank and to block the mixture of reactions that those words stirred up in him. Her apology was quite the shock. So sudden, yet surely she had been thinking about it for some time, hence the awkwardness of their relationship throughout the day. Again, politeness reared its ugly head and he could not resist returning the gesture. Granted, if he admitted it to himself, he had been thinking about it, too. He sighed, "No. _I'm _sorry. Perhaps my practices are a bit.. outdated."

"Outdated?" she asked, her lovely face inquisitive. It was clear she did not understand his meaning.

"I mean for me. I should be over those issues by now... at this age, I suppose," he was forced to admit, part of him appalled that he believed his words. But she had made him think, the accursed woman. And Merlin, she was beautiful... not since Lily had he ever been this strongly attracted to a member of the opposite sex...

"Severus, stop!" Slughorn's infernal voice interrupted Severus's thoughts, and rather loudly, too. Severus felt something wrenched from his grasp and finally turned to face the Potions Master's shocked face. It seems the old man had taken a vial of clear solution from his hand, "You were about to put worm acid into a solution containing snake bile!"

This time Severus was not fast enough with Occlumency to hide his embarrassment, which only made him more embarrassed as he felt his face heat up. Mixing the two liquids would have caused a _highly _volatile reaction, and of course, as a brilliant Potions Master himself, Severus knew that. So _why _had he been about to do so? It was humiliating and it was because _Dinah _had distracted him.

"I never expected such a mistake from you," Slughorn shook his head. "And I don't want my potions room to explode, either. You must be very distracted to have done such a thing."

"I must have been," he was forced to admit, glancing back at Dinah. Despite the fact that she had been the source of his distraction, he found he felt no malice towards her. Instead, he felt something else, something he did not quite have the words for. And suddenly he no longer wanted to be here. He wanted to be alone. Dare he say it, he wanted to be somewhere alone with _her_.

It was not a normal desire for him, but he went with it anyway. He stepped back from the potions table, his decision made. "If you don't mind, I think Dinah and I will have to stop for the day. Obviously I'm not useful to you in this distracted state, and I would like to do some reading up on potion-making methods before it gets too late. If you'll excuse us, she and I will go back to my rooms and look up more information for you so that we can be of better help in the future."

Slughorn raised an eyebrow but Severus was more focused on the flush that had risen in Dinah's cheeks at his words. Apparently his suggestion had _already _pleased her. He was not used to pleasing women, but he was starting to believe that he liked it.

"Do as you will," Slughorn was saying, "I think we can handle this without you for the evening."

Good. _Now _they were not needed. Severus nodded and walked around the table to stand before his 'girlfriend', "You don't mind reading with me?"

Perhaps that had been a stupid question. "Hardly," she whispered, her chest moving up and down with her breath. How was it that all through his youth girls had never even bothered to give him the time of day and yet now this woman was for all intents and purposes swooning over him? He was not going to argue.

"Well, then," his hand found its way to rest on her back, feeling her warmth. He kept his touch light... he was still not used to initiating things like this, but he found he wanted the contact. Part of him still instinctually expected her to flinch and pull away but she did not. She never flinched or pulled away from him. In fact, she seemed to lean back into his hand a bit, her gaze locked with his. He ignored the fluttering in his chest as best he could, along with the primal desires to do more, and began guiding her from the room.

She went along with him with no resistance. Unfortunately, he was forced to drop his hand once they entered into the Hogwarts halls. It would not do for the students to see him showing physical affection. It would take away from the frightening image he prided himself on projecting towards them. And maintaining that image was of great importance.

Once he got her into the dungeons, however, he began to feel a bit awkward about his initiation of this alone time. She was usually the one who requested to spend time with him, although he did tend to look forward to their dinners together each day. Well, now she was here and he had no intention of letting her get away. But he would make it about business. After all, they did have research to do.

He took her shoulders and sat her down on the middle cushion of the sofa, and she did not protest. She seemed to be waiting for him to decide what he wanted them to do, which was just fine. Now, he needed to make sure she stayed there.

Walking over to his bookshelf, his eyes scanned the titles of his many Potions research tomes in a matter of seconds. He had memorized the location and appearance of each book. He simply needed to make a decision. Decided, he selected two books, carrying them back over to the sofa and shoving the red-bound one into Dinah's hands while keeping the black-bound one for himself. He seated himself next to her and opened his own book, but did not look at its pages right away. "Read that one," he told Dinah of the red volume, "I'm looking for any information on transfer of potions from one type of animal subject to another. I trust you're smart enough to know what might be of interest."

Dinah flushed with pleasure. "Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment," she decided, and rightfully so. He _had _meant it as a compliment, even if an offhand one. Because she was an intelligent woman. He would not enjoy her company this much if she was not, although she had many other excellent qualities. She impressed him. "Um... exactly what is all this about?" she asked next.

"What is all what about?" he responded, a bit embarrassed as he turned to his book to avoid her gaze. What was she really thinking about his sudden decision to come down here? Did she sense his desire to have her near? Probably. Women were more intuitive about that sort of thing than men were, and certainly more intuitive about it than Severus himself was. Yet, if this made her get her hopes up... well, no matter. This was a perfectly legitimate thing for a 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' to do. Spend the evening reading together.

She smiled. "Nothing. Um... Severus?"

"Yes?" he lowered his book to raise an eyebrow at her. Now what did she want?

There was something odd in her gaze, as though she was steeling herself for something. Her next move confirmed that thought, as she took a deep breath. Then she scooted over on the seat, her body more closely approaching his. His first thought was to lean away but he did not. He let her get close. Their hips brushed together and she leaned towards him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

His body instinctively flinched at her touch. He had not expected this. Not at all. And yet, he thought as he adjusted to her presence and relaxed... and yet... this was strangely soft and comfortable, her hair like silk, falling against his robes and brushing against the skin of his face and neck. Her body also, was warm like this. Warmer than ever before, with this closeness. "Is this okay?" she asked.

What a question! He thought it through quickly. They were 'dating'. They had held hands before, but nothing more. He had expected there might be a bit more but had not been certain of it, and had not planned to rush or initiate anything. This would not last, after all, but he had decided to at least enjoy it while it did. And this was... 'normal', for a couple, he was sure. Besides, it was... comfortable. And she wanted to be there. How could he say no to that?

He nodded, his decision made. "I think it's okay," he told her, hoping that was the right answer.

It must have been, because a sweet smile formed on her face and she nodded back at him. She was happy to be here with him like this. It was a gift. A temporary gift to be sure, but...

Severus decided to try something. As Dinah's slender, pink-polished fingers went to open the book he had given her, he moved his own hand, removing it from his black book and reaching it around behind her. His right hand would still be free to turn the pages and he could use magic if need be, but his left hand...

It found its way to her slender waist and found a comfortable spot there in which to rest. He could feel her curves now, in a way he never had before. It was stimulating, yes, but there was also a sense of wonder, especially as the smile on her face grew even more contented and happy with his touch. It sparked a strange ache in his chest, as well as an odd sort of happiness. He had never had a woman in his arms before. He had hugged Lily, yes, but... never like this. He was not counting when Dinah threw herself at him after the Pensieve incident. That was still... a special case.

But none of that mattered now. He had stepped their relationship up again, and there was no going back. But, he thought as he turned back to his book, he could get used to this. Reading with her all pressed up against him, their bodies resting against each other comfortably...

Perhaps it would never go further than this, but, for him, who didn't even deserve this much, it was enough.


End file.
